I’ve been thinking about adding Google to the team. Maybe as a mascot or a statistician or roadie. He does such a good job of organizing the Internet ™, think about what he could do for us!

For example, this week when there was that whole hub-ub about the infield fly rule and how it applied even if the ball was out of bounds, even if it was obvious that the guy on the other team wasn’t going to get it, even if Malibar needed a break, even if it took the Ump five minutes to finally make the call….where was I?

Oh right, Google! Well if Google was on the team we could have looked up the appropriate rule. Or we could have searched for other amusing websites to look at while we waited for the Umpire to make the call. Google might have helped take Malibar’s mind off the suck that was his batting performance.

And Google has that whimsical button right up front that says: “I’m Feeling Lucky.” How great would it be to push that before every at-bat? And appropriate because who doesn’t feel lucky these days? What with gas pushing $4 and an eight year losing streak and all?

You wouldn’t need to tell Google your troubles, either. Google already knows what’s bugging you. He can tell from your searches, from your email and from how hard you press the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button. Google has been watching you very closely, but in a benign way—like a close friend or a concerned parent.

This week The Google would have enjoyed the game because our batsmen did a fine job. Zin made his first appearance and got a couple of hits plus some great catches. Lots of folks got hits. Koishel smashed a home run and won the cape, which was accepted by his colleague Malibar (right). Were it not for a sudden lapse of concentration in the middle inning(s) the statistical victory might have been ours.

However Google might have been a bit embarrassed at the bar. Not by the cigars which were fired up for a second year to much happy results. I’m sure Google would have enjoyed the conversation about the Dildoug (home of “douglife”) and the various other B-Squad themed pleasure appliances imagined that night. Google is no prude.

No the embarrassment would have come when Gary put forth that his own personal fetish was NOT AVAILABLE on the Internet. Somehow Gary has been unable to find the affinity group that speaks to his own secret cravings. There was much discussion about his search capabilities, his filters, etc. but Gary assures us that he’s tried everything and yet has been unable to find his place on the net.

Cheer up Google! You are still batting 1.000 with the rest of us. For example, I was really appreciative of the note you sent this week with a list of phrases people used to get to the B-Squad site. It’s nice to know that out there someone is looking for you and that your pal search engine is sending them through at no additional charge:

Most Common Keywords Used to Reach This Website
17. “what happened to the b-squad”
22. eggs bernard

I do wonder about the eggs, however.