I had this strange dream that the B-Squad was playing this team of vicious German Shepherds. They could do everything: bat, catch, run — all the while barking in the most aggressive manner. You’d go to bat and the dog-pitcher would be there with a ball in his mouth snarling at you and then with a snap of his head he’d launch a terrific pitch and just as you started to concentrate on it he would bark wildly like he was going to rush the plate and bite your leg off. I kept striking out.
I woke up and thought, well that would be a cool dream if the dogs weren’t so mean — why don’t you just go back to sleep and try it again. Try imagining a team of goofy golden retrievers or sleepy basset hounds. So I fell back to sleep but the German Shepherds were back again only this time they were robots and could fire guns.
Sometimes dreams come to real life and that might be a reason why the B-Squad registered such a modest showing this week. The game started off poorly when Keith broke his shoe in half. And then Gary was gored by the opposing pitcher’s German Shepherd. We just never seemed to recover from these two incidents. You’d think watching a colleague struggle around the outfiled with damaged equipment while another of your own gets carted off in an ambulance would inspire a group of guys but I guess not. There was some sulky chatter but the B-Bats were generally at rest.
Of course the incident with Gary lead to the first real criticism of the jerseys. Sure, they look totally professional and the mesh under the pits give a softball player all the airflow and freedom he could possibly use. But, as Gary was quick to demonstrate and discover, the jerseys are not vicious dog proof. Apparently the fabric does not repel dog bites, even if one curls up in the fetal position on the ground.
Keekley is going to bring it up with Jamal and his hard-working team of folks out in Chula Vista, California. I thought this was a nice gesture, but possibly could be considered self-serving. It’s not like getting the jerseys fixed now is going to help Gary much. Perhaps if Keeks spent a little less time on the Internet ™ and a little more time visiting his injured friends in the hospital people wouldn’t be so suspicious of his motives.
I for one am going to wear the Uniform with pride regardless of what kind of deranged animal the other team ties to the bench. I figure if a hungry tiger decides its dinner time and you were lucky enough to hit a triple (or get a walk and be “moved overâ€) then you might as well look good in your last minutes. I’d rather be ripped to shreds while wearing my B-Squad uniform than a suit and tie, I can tell you that. Plus, it wears grass and dirt stains marvelously as modeled by Mr. Krushel below.
Of course the best way to fight fire is to play with fire yourself. I think everyone knows that. So at the bar we had a long debate about what kinds of things we could bring to the next game to help the B-Squad gain an edge. Something to knock the other team off their game. Something deeply unsettling that forces every batter to consider his trip the plate. Something in the back of every fielder’s mind as runs for the ball.
You can imagine that there were dozens of suggestions, including the possible return of some players who claim to be “out of town†or “busy with their infant.†What we settled on, finally, will be revealed at next week’s game. All I can say is that armed with this awesome new weapon the caranage will not simply be a little dog bite here or there. Stay tuned…
muahAHAHAHA
He’s giving us the bloody finger!
Bricker hits another home run! If only he could hit this well during the game…
Why is he giving my wife the finger? Is it because of all that garbage we’ve been dumping on his lawn?