The following is a transcript of the
Gary and Erica Softball Wedding
On June 25, 2008

ROX THE UMP
Friends, we have been invited here today to share with Erica and Gary a very important moment in their lives. For several seasons their relationship has grown and matured and now they have decided to formally recognize their lives together in front of Gary’s softball buddies. We start our ceremony with a reading by the couple’s good friend and belligerent infielder Malibar.

MALIBAR
A reading from the Amateur Softball Association of America Softball Playing rules revised 2005, as amended at Mobile Alabama in 2006

Rule 1 Definitions
Infield Fly. A fair ball (not including a line drive or an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder, pitcher or catcher with ordinary effort when first and second bases, or first second or third bases are occupied before two are out. Any defensive player who takes a position in the infield at the start of the pitch shall be considered an infielder for the purpose of this rule. The infield fly is ruled when the ball reaches the highest point based on the position of the closest infielder regardless who makes the play. When it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an infield fly, the umpire shall immediately declare: “Infield Fly.” The ball is live and runners may advance at the risk of the ball being caught. The runners can tag up and advance once the batted ball is touched (prior to catching), the same as any fly ball. If a declared infield fly becomes a foul ball, it is treated the same as any fly ball.

Rule 8 The batter-runner is out when:
Section 2 article I The batter-runner is out if an infield fly is ruled. If the fair ball hits the batter-runner before reaching first base, the ball is dead and the infield fly rule is invoked.

Rule 10 Signals
Section 7 Article L
Body upright, eyes on the ball and right arm extended high into the air with a closed fist. Make a verbal call of “Infield Fly”. If the batted ball is near a foul line, call “Infield Fly if Fair”.

BRICKER
Gary, Erica–we are so glad to be here with you today. You see, normally softball is a force that drives men and women apart. Getting sweaty, breaking your nose, staying out drinking beer after the game–these are the things that normally drive a wedge between partners. And yet we have seen your love blossom over the past few years of B-Squad games.

I remember when Gary started bringing Erica to games. I think I speak for the whole team when I say our reaction was: She’s really hot! For her part, I think watching B-Squad games is a great way to really come to understand a prospective partner. Erica witnessed Gary lose many games…well all the games she witnessed were losses. So she saw her man face adversity. I’m not saying Gary is a loser, I’m saying Gary is NO QUITTER. A great feature of a prospective mate.

So it is with great pleasure that along with the B-Squad and the Tass Kickers, we celebrate Gary and Erica today!

WEDDING VOWS
I Gary, Take you, Erica, to be my wife, my friend and my softball cheering squad. I will cherish those games that you attend in wins and in losses. I will be your companion at the bar after the game and play your favorite songs on the jukebox. I will cherish you for the rest of my life.

I Erica, take you, Gary, to be my husband, my friend and my favorite softball player. I will attend games, though possibly not as much as when we were dating. I will join you at the bar after the game and drink with your friends. I will cherish you for the rest of my life.

ROX THE UMP
By the very limited power vested in me by the Minneapolis Parks and Recreation board, I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may now march to the pitchers mound.

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