By Mali-bar
One of the buzz words in my work is ROI, Return on Investment. This will shock many of you, I know, but some companies actually have the temerity to ask if what I am doing for them will actually do anything. Over the years I have developed a stock answer for this Wharton School shambling mass of MBA inspired claptrap.
ROI is for suckas.
What you really want to care about is Institutional Wisdom. All your good people have been learning the intricacies of your business for Man-Centuries, and there is not a damn thing you can do about the fact that they are going to go away eventually. Someone’s gonna make a better offer, someone’s gonna want to start their own floor covering business, someone’s gonna die. The loss of this Institutional Wisdom is inevitable, and the cost of this loss is technically incalculable. You don’t know what you are about to lose. Let me help.
Sign the check, Lloyd.
Second to last game in the season, Buggs is gone, Brggr is in Milan checking the designs for the Fall Line, which leaves the clipboard to Me. Umpire calls for managers and we’re forced to determine who is the home team based on who remembered to bring the balls (go Tommy B!). There’s the obligatory discussion of how to play the tree in Left, and the umpire shows his colors early by first saying it was entirely out of play, then changing his mind when I looked at him funny. True rookie mistake, as the funny look had less to do with the rules and more to do with the parking lot at Dusty’s.
Top of the First was a BSquad tour de force, 6 runs, no outs. And not in a good way. At one point Ben and I were running away from the ball so ineffectually that it actually hit Ben in the back. Shagg said the ground was so hard that the ball actually picked up speed on the bounce. At least that made me feel better for being so lousy at this game.
The Gekkos were playing us perfectly, dropping the short ones just past the infield, yet occasionally threatening the long ball. All season Ive been whispering in Brggr’s ear that we ought to double up the strong field, play short and long and give up the weak field. A daring gambit if you’re playing a team that does anything other than wildly flay at the plate. Brggr never seemed to want to make that call, but this was my day. Gonna win this freaking game.
I spread the word to the fielders, give them the strategy and it works! Take em down fast in the second, but you can see the batters figuring it out. These Gekkos may be one-armed-drummer-worshipping-cement-heads, but even Rick Allen (http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Quarter/3248/) can see no one is playing in Right.
Things were coming together. Solid hits all around featuring Krushiol with the kind of life affirming home run you’d only expect to see in a very special episode of Diffr’nt Strokes. But it was the base running that drove home the fundemental flaw in my tenure as Administrator.
Shagg rounds second, he’s going to third and he doesnt care. The ball gets to third maybe half an hour before Shagg makes it half way there, but hes going to third. Third baseman comes out to meet him for the tag. Shagg ziggs. Shagg zaggs. Shagg reaches third, and is called out. He takes it in stride, with a friendly advisory to the Ump as he walks off. “He missed the tag, sir.” And I swear to God, at that moment the Ump changed from a dopey looking 60 year gent who umps e-league softball for the money into the most petulant, grinding, whining 7 year old boy. “You were out of the baseline, SIIIIRRRR”.
We all know this is a moment for Malibar. I took the first two steps toward the Ump to let him know that WE CERTAINLY DONT NEED ANY ATTITUDE FROM THE PAID HELP HERE, when I realized what was missing.
See, I’d been feeling kinda empty, I thought it was the fact that Buggs was gone, but he clearly was being channeled through welded-to-Def Leppard-boombox under the Gekkos’ bench. I realized that if I went after the Ump now, no one would stop me. My failure as an administrator was further driven home by the Cape Affirmed, over the head, no way he caught that ball snag by Tommy B at first, stopping a dribbler from rolling all the way to the fence in the empty right field.
Institutional Wisdom. Its what reminds Dave O that sometimes he doesnt have to tag the guy at third and makes Charles go for the put out and the tag after being rotated there for no good reason. Its the little voice in Gary’s head that tells him the only way he’s going to stop before hitting the backstop is a stylish shoulder roll. Its the sense that Zin has to turn his back on the batter and start running before the batter smashes the snot out of the ball. Its why the Brggr holds the clipboard.
Now that is coffee-shop material.